FaintSpark

It’s been so long since my last post here. I wanted to post a blog everyday and my brain seems to cooperate with me but everytime I sit down in front of the computer monitor my hands won’t type what’s on my mind. Damn! So much for this..

I’d like to share to you about the latest happening in my life lately. Let me just update you that as of this very moment I am officially out of work. I’m looking for one though. I am still trying my luck. This time I will share to you the email I have sent to the two of those millions of trusted people I have met on the net and personally. Read my letter below.

Subject: Good News or Bad News? Read along…

Content:

Just wanna share to you what happened with me today.

I was hired by Conchology, Inc. last April 20, 2009. I was jobless for 2 months until I get hired. Their advertisement was that they are looking for a webmaster and their requirements was really for a webmaster. But when I get interviewed, I was asked about programming and etc. I honestly answered the owner of the company. Luckily I got hired. and the good thing was they were all using MAC. I guess they don’t like Bill Gates.

Question: Is this good news? or bad news?

It will be my birthday on Saturday (May 2, 2009) and I got hired.

again. good news? or bad news?

Well, you can answer that after reading this next paragraph.

Today is my last day. I won’t be back tomorrow. They dismissed me because I don’t fit for their work. They are really giving us Web Programmer Tasks.. good thing about the two other guys who was also hired together with me because they’ve got an experience on web programming. But me, I’ve got one but not handling 1 big system. So, not lucky enough they let me go 2 days before my birthday.

Good news or bad news?

I rather consider it as a good news. I rather think it in a positive way. Much lesser pain and much brighter future to look forward. Again, I am online today looking for another job and hopefully I can find one before the day tomorrow will end.

I also wanted to ask a favor from both of you to please do include me in your prayers and for my family also. I can pray myself but I guess you’re much closer to him than me.

Thank you so much … More power to you …..
Thank you for reading..

Still hoping,
—-end—

Sad isn’t it? Well, It’s part of life (as they say). But I will be trying starting from now to write a blog everyday. I’ll try to make a journal out from this World Wide Web. grrrrr…

Cheers

Do you have 2 or more Yahoo ID’s? And you wanted to login with all of them at the same time and at the same PC? Well, worry no more. I will introduce to you the software that can do that. Sounds great? yeah?

I don’t know the history for this software and I didn’t bother to dig in. My bestfriend introduce me this software and I can say it’s really very useful. The software is called Y! Multi Messenger. It’s very easy to use. Download the file, open it and click the button patch and you can login to your Yahoo ID’s instantly.

Here is the link for the download if you want to give it a try. Don’t worry about viruses, I can assure you it’s safe. Taken from my experience. So, here’s the link: http://www.softpedia.com/progDownload/Yahoo-Multi-Messenger-Download-19851.html.

Let me know if you’ve used it or leave some comments. Cheers!

there are times when the mind is stupified………

it’s when thoughts clamour yet in a matter of seconds everything dries up

everything ends up to nothing

and each time this happens, each day for me dies

every spurt of what i know and intend to know fades….

i grow dull each day……

……no longer dynamic

……no longer ecstatic

……no longer poetic

and with the saddest face i walk along every street i know by heart

in the hope that i’ll find that tiniest sliver of both rhyme and rhythm

…..magic and metaphor

…..diction and everything that made words dangle

times like these, i only end up hewing nothing but mere longing

…..a longing to rush into power again……

Blank spaces are always enticing. These make you think and make your ideas mobile. Though most would find it insignificant, for me, there’s a lot more to it than just it’s being empty. Emptiness is as tricky as being being full. When you’re empty, you’d find ways to be “full”. It would be either you stuff yourself with loads and loads of food, loads and loads of new knowledge or maybe just loads and loads of great imaginations. In consequence, you end up overwhelmed. Being full therefore becomes as tricky as being empty. When you’re full, you’ll end up finding ways to stop yourself from getting too overwhelmed.

Now, here i am in front of an empty space, trying to figure out what good things to come up with. I’ve found my days so dragging and inevitably boring. I felt so dried up! Sometimes, i end up wondering if i ever did something in the past that had caused me to feel so dry! Each day, i grow timid. I grow lazier and lazier yet, i did nothing to make my “self” feel better. Well, what can i do now? Is there a way? Of course there is, but i’m taking forward, backward, and sideward glances altogether. I can’t afford to be wrong again. I’m in the middle of a battle field (hey! who stole may armour?!). I’m not lost though, i know my way. It’s just that i can’t seem to figure out what to do first and what to do next. I would’nt want help either. I can always manage. Maybe, i should give myself a deadline (how about that?) . For now, all i know is that i do have a goal and i must, with my utmost strength, reach it. I don’t want to be stuck. This is a battle. I won’t waste my time scouring the place for “my lost armour”. I’d better find a new one, prOnto!

I am never getting any younger. Rather, I get older by the day but despite that, I still think I deserve a nice long “pause”. I need rest and the thought of it just makes me shudder. If I could only refuse to rest and continue my long and tedious journey, I’ll do just that. However, the human mind plays a lot of tricks that are mostly unfathomable. We end up awestruck or maybe dumbfounded. We remain torn between our wants and our needs. More often than not, we confuse our wants with our needs and our needs with our wants. In the end we remain stuck, impervious like the water in the ditches. This can usually happen if we don’t really take time to look deep. Every tiny detail in our lives deserve attention.

There’s nothing much to do so i’d rather write than allow myself to reduce into a state called “boredom”. I don’t really feel like writing, but i had to write anyway (not much to do). Here’s the core; some utterly stupid thought has been gripping me again and i find it almost always difficult to break free once i’m in it. It’s like wanting something but not wanting it altogether, needing something but not wanting to need it anymore. Such dissonance had been slowly leading me to split my self into several other selves. Of course, i’m not out of my mind yet! This creative reaction is the most conventional reaction my self procures whenever it is faced with things that seem a blur. But hey, i’m not complaining about anything. However, these are the sort of situations that bring back my old self, my good old self. Who have i been then before? I was never buoyant before. I am content spending my ever precious time alone and unperturbed. I don’t want to be stirred, so i have kept things at bay. The crowd makes me lonely and i hate being in the crowd. I couldn’t care less about anything or anyone, rather, i live a world of my own. I couldn’t actually describe how that world of mine operates for it changes to do whatever i bid it to do. Unfortunately (well, i don’t really know if this is making me unfortunate or fortunate), i have been tangled, exposed before things that i’m hardly ever ready to take on. I was caught unprepared and that sucks! Well, in the first place, preparations don’t really appeal to me, so i got stuck because of my own doing…gee! Talking about making your own bed and having to lie on it afterwards! Supposedly, i was to make a run for it but i think i have allowed it to go at large before i was able to pluck up the courage to perish it…hmmmm…perish it? Why should i not be doing that now considering that i am enjoying (am i really enjoying?) lengthy days of chance? Can i not undo the tangled skein? That’s really sad! So that implies only one thing, i’d have to stay while i’m still not capable of allowing this thought to kick the bucket. I am on the mend then, and that’s a happy thought (at least). One thing’s for certain, i am already convinced of the truth though it might send me into bouts of pain and pangs of regret every now and then (and this is another happy thought). Darn, it’s really difficult to convince yourself with happy thoughts when you hardly know where to dig for happiness. But oh well, it’s not the end of the world yet, (unless if i annihilate mankind…) and i’ve got loads of other undertakings to keep myself busy for the meantime. That should do the trick. I’ve been here before, so there’s actually not a single point that i’ll end up lost this time (haha…another happy thought to fill in the gap!). I’m off to mend my unseen scars.

There she goes…

Waiting for the chance to break and crash whatever there is that tends to stand in her way. She needs to be free. Something has lured her away from her path but she’s back now and never will she stray again. Oh, what shame did emotion and wishful thinking brought her! She had been troubled for quite so long. However, let the world care not of her existence. She can never be an object of pity nor can she be an incarnate of vulnerability and like her that way.

There she goes…

Knowing nothing but made-up bliss this time. She is the creature of craft and she can do tons of magic to and for herself. In essence, she needs her time and time alone had been able to prove a worthy friend and a loyal companion. Her mind wanders and her heart only awaits what her mind dictates. What matters most to her now, is how to put every bit of wit-ridden ideas to do her bidding.

There she goes…

Fading away from the people she holds dear. She has to maintain distance to stain not her intellect with the foolishness of emotion. This idea, to her, is never ruthless. Rather, she considers this an achievement. Let harm not be done to her in the guise of care. This is her choice and this is the very thing she holds dear now, and there has to be
nothing or no one else.

What needs to be done, has to be done! She does deserve her life and her choices. Follow her down if you need to but never dare attempt if risk is not your friend. She is a sacrifice. She can be there but she can vanish if she wills it to. The world is not safe for her to pour out her true self yet, and that can wait.

Have you seen her yet?

There she goes entertaining the thought of forgetting, the thought of rebirth, and the thought of letting loose and letting go…

Today is probably the day I will greatly hate and will always want not to remember. I’ve have been killing myself with the sharpness of uncertain knife that nobody can even see a blood that pours out of my skin. I made the pain myself and what would I say? “I deserve it!”. The day would be forgotten but the scars of the wound will forever remain. The scars that will always remind me of how stupid and idiot I am. I wanted to cry and just let the tears flow that somehow this will end soon, but I can’t. I am in this public area with having computers for rent. I don’t want them to see me and think how pathetic I am sitting here in front of the monitor.

What’s on my mind right now? Well, I want to hurt myself until I can no longer feel the pain. …. Read the rest of this entry »

Hi guys. Are you wondering right now about our new plugin? Well, it’s called the Podcast Plugin. We’ll I’ll try to explain it why I installed this one.

There are maybe music you want to share or made a difference in your life. Or maybe a music that describes what you felt or what you have just experienced. Well, we can now upload our mp3’s or any music files here and together with our post. They have the option to listen to it. Great eh?

Let me know if you want me to show some tutorials on how to post some audio files in your post and will create one. Cheers!!!

For the meantime, we will be using this theme. This theme is  free and can be downloaded at http://designdisease.com/.

I am currently creating our own FaintSpark Theme and we will give you updates.

Visit their site and get your own theme for free.